Control Freak

It's a Friday and I'm not getting treatment, hooray! Now that I am on the three week Herceptin plan, I get two weeks off - fantastic! I just realized that Sunday is July 1 - how is that possible? Didn't summer just start??? While at Target this week I saw them putting out "back-to-school" supplies. What? Poor kids (and teachers!) enjoy summer while you can and newsflash: Christmas decor will now be out in July...ugh!!! Why do we have to rush through everything? Just when you start to feel organized and together, BAM it's August and have you started your Christmas shopping yet??? Screw the other holidays that come before Christmas... it's so frustrating! I happen to love both Halloween AND Thanksgiving so just back off Retail Gods!

I will admit that I'm a little stressed. Along with having major surgery next week, I am also leaving my children in the very capable hands of Steve for a few days while I'm in the hospital. Oh sure, I know they'll be fine and probably have a blast with some Daddy-only time but, well, yes, I am a control freak. It's not that I don't think Steve will stick to the basic routine, but he just doesn't love a timetable the way I do. Le sigh, I know I have issues and I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to being in charge and having things done my way. Simon is not on a strict eating schedule (despite my best efforts!) but we have finally gotten into a somewhat "predictable" pattern. Trying to balance solids and formula has been a challenge but I dare to say that we're making progress. Simon has a tendency to frazzle Steve (and me- he can be the most frustrating child!) so it will be interesting to see who wins the battle of the wills. Stella should be a piece of cake, she thinks the sun rises and sets with Daddy!

Am I dreading surgery? No, not really. I am nervous about the recovery, especially when dealing with the kids. I know we'll make it work but it's tough not knowing how I'll feel. Several women have told me that they thought chemo was the hardest thing they've ever done if I can make it through that, surgery should be a breeze. But, here's the thing, chemo wasn't that bad for me. I would never say it was easy or that I would do it again (that's a giant HELL NO!) but all in all, a fairly positive experience when all said and done. Does that mean I'll have a tougher time with surgery? The old Erin would speculate and pontificate on this until she worried to death. The new Erin? She's a little wary of her new look (temporary, at least!) and a lot pissed off that she's in this mess to being with. She's got too much to do!! **Shrug** at least I'll get to spend a mini "vacation" at Hotel Northside (aka: Northside Hospital) and nothing better to do than sleep and read. Not a bad deal when you think about it!