Mommy Fail

I just stepped in dog shit people. No really, I did. In my house. Seriously. I'm beyond irritated, so I'll apologize in advance for what I'm sure is going to be a ranty, ugly mess of a blog entry. Murphy has been on a tear this week. Not really sure what the special occasion is, but she's pooped in the office almost everyday this week. She also refuses to go upstairs without being carried (that's a whole lot of fun right there trying to carry an 80lb + stubborn dog up the damn stairs). I've lost count of the number of toys/ objects/ loofas that she's destroyed this week. Murphy clotheslines the kids on a regular basis outside, not because she's mean spirited, she's just that much of a klutz. You should see the bruise I have on my knee from where she rammed into me full force with her giant blockhead. She was chasing her ball...


This has been one of those weeks where I grossly overextended myself. Even pre-cancer, pre-kids, pre-thirtysomething Erin would have struggled to get everything accomplished. I take full responsibility for my actions because I am terrible at saying no. Unless it involves my children or my dogs, because then? Oh yeah, GAME ON! So, I'm exhausted. It was teacher appreciation week (and my kids have had absolutely fantastic teachers this year), and being a room mom for one kid and along with being a good "participating" mom for the other kid, I had to hit the ground running this week. Which I did, mostly. I had great plans of doing cute little candy-type gifts that I saw on Pinterest for Simon's teachers. My attempt was a joke and I ended up running out to get cupcakes for his teachers instead. Check out these Pinterest Fail (nailed it!) pictures, they are hilarious! If you've ever attempted a Pinterest project and failed miserably, you will absolutely LOVE this website!


Things this week would have been much easier if I hadn't been scared to death that I was going blind. Overdramatic? Most assuredly, but obviously you know me pretty well at this point, so you should expect nothing less! My right eye turned red on Saturday and hurt a bit. Well, that little vision of loveliness rotated between both of my eyes all week. It was bad enough on Wednesday that I threw out the white flag, took out my contacts and have been wearing my glasses ever since. I HATE wearing my glasses all the time. They don't fit correctly and constantly slide down my nose. I'm quite the picture this week between my red eyes and ill-fitting glasses. Also, my hair looks atrocious because I can't seem to blow-dry it with my glasses on. How do people do that?!?! And, no, I'm pretty sure I don't have pink eye because everyone else in this house is fine. I'm guessing it's allergy related. The good news is that today, my eyes are closer to being white rather than the color of fire. Try not to be too envious of my fabulousness, okay?


In my spare time, I had my volunteer hours to complete and 5,000 errands to run. Stella has started swimming lessons at the Y and I made the mistake of calling her out for not listening to her teachers on the first night. She was so pissed at me for saying she wasn't listening, that she ignored me for an hour. When I tried to talk to her about why not listening is dangerous in a pool, she turned it around on me saying that I told her, "she's a terrible swimmer" and "she'll never be the bestest swimmer ever". Excuse me, but what the hell?!?!?! Is this kid 4 or 16? I, apparently, ruined her life with a single comment. Don't worry, she took her mood out on Steve too, poor guy had nothing to do with the situation! Luckily, the second class went much smoother and I managed to keep my big fat mouth shut.


Stella also had her school program on Wednesday. Their performances are always adorable. As the kids were walking down the aisle, Simon saw Stella (he was sitting with me) and yelled, "HI STELLA!!". He ran up to her and gave the biggest hug, it really was cute. Well, cute, until I had to pull him away from her and he started screaming, "MY STELLA!!!!" at the top of his lungs. He then proceeded to throw himself in the middle of the aisle and cry. It's a shame there's not an award for worst mothering in a public place. I'm pretty sure I'd have that one in the bag. Is it happy hour yet?!?!?