The New Normal

I've just finished taking a look at my calendar, and oh yeah, from now until the end of June is going to be non-stop and action packed. When did THAT happen? Oh well, lots to look forward to and fun things on the horizon! I just hope I can keep up with everything!

We had a nice, low-key Easter here in Atlanta. I had treatment last Friday which went fairly smoothly. My port was acting up a little bit (probably because it's tired of being used!) and didn't want to give blood. That's a problem because in order for me to receive treatment, I am required to have my blood tested. Why do they need to test my blood? Mainly because the staff wants to be sure my body can handle the treatment (meaning counts are good) and to make sure that my port is working correctly. So, after some strange body positions and several nurses, my port received it's attitude adjustment and on we went with Herceptin. My friend Kate was there and we were able to catch up which is always fun. She only has two Herceptin treatments left and then she graduates! I am so happy for her because that means she will be able to go back to teaching in the fall. Of course, her completing treatment is also a little bittersweet for me because I won't have her with me anymore for treatments. Obviously, her not being there is a very good thing, but I will miss her!

Kate and I did have an interesting (well, to us anyway!) conversation about our cancer experience. While both of us are beyond a shadow of a doubt thrilled to be done with the hardcore chemo, the part that comes after chemo, surgery and radiation is almost harder. That may sound strange, but it's absolutely true. You might be wondering why... Well, while actively going through chemo and other treatments, you are doing everything you can to battle cancer and it's obvious by your appearance (no hair, eyebrows, etc). After chemo comes surgery, recovery, radiation and recovery (and some people have procedures done in varying orders). But, once all treatment is said and done, society expects you to be completely recovered and just jump back into life as you once knew it. Outwardly, you present as a person who seems to be "back to normal" but as any cancer patient can tell you, life as you knew it before cancer will never be the same, no matter how badly you try. It's time to accept the new normal and move forward. Having cancer is a traumatic experience, not only to the patient, but family and close friends as well. Expecting a survivor to act like battling their disease never happened is ignoring everything they've overcome and fought so hard to be here for today. That said, no one with cancer wants to be identified by their illness, we are so much more than chemo, surgery and radiation. We've been to hell and back (no matter how easy the ride was along the way) and like it or not, this is who we are today. So, while chemo is the big beast that knocks back the cancer and knocks you on your ass physcially, life after treatment is the toughest part emotionally. Every day I'm learning to understand and come to terms with my "new normal".

All of that said, I still don't think that I would have changed this experience. Yes, with certainty I can tell you that I would have preferred NOT to have cancer and not put my family and friends through this emotional hell. But, so much good has come from my experience that I can't say I regret the appreciation I've gotten from having my life as I knew it rewritten. Some days are harder than others when I remember how easy my life was before my diagnosis. But, most of time I can focus on what cancer HAS done for me, especially when it comes to how much I love and adore my children, husband, fmaily and friends. Cancer was the biggest slap in the face I've ever had but also the most important wake-up call. So, no I can't go back to the way things were before I was diagnosed. But, I have made a promise to myself to live each day the best I can. And that's a promise I intend to keep!