Ah, Christmas, the season of perpetual hope, or something like that. I about had my fill of "holiday cheer" yesterday at the mall. Oh, not to worry, I certainly wasn't doing any Christmas shopping, I was shopping for myself. Fa la la la la and all that. No, I'm not completely self centered, but I have been on a desperate mission to find a black-tie worthy cocktail dress. Steve's company Christmas party is black tie this year and of course, I have nothing to wear. "Wear one of the 500 dresses you already own, you'll look great!" he replies (as spoken like a true man who would rather face walking thru fire than deal with an irritated, already frustrated that I'm not a size 2 wife). While I acknowledge that this is a reasonable suggestion, the problem is that all of my formal wear is pre-baby. No matter how hard I try, this body ain't fitting into any cocktail dress I have. CRAP!
So, Simon and I battled the mall. It's my favorite Atlanta area mall, but she certainly did let me down yesterday. I will also note that I'd been to at least 5 other stores before hitting the mall (last week). Simon loves to zoom around in the stroller and he's pretty tolerant most of time. Except for yesterday, of course. I left the mall empty-handed and pissy. In case you're wondering, there's not a shortage of dresses, the problem is (mostly) me. I will not take blame for hem lines that barely cover your ass. Seriously, I'm not trying to show up to Steve's Christmas party looking like a $2 hooker. Gah! Part of the problem is that I have to be somewhat picky. Normally I would relish the opportunity to wear strapless but I can't do that right now. I'm between surgeries and can't pull of that look. I can't wear spaghetti straps for the same reason. I can normally rely on the halter style but I can't rock that look either in my current condition. So what the hell is a girl to do???? It should be noted that there were some gorgeous dresses that started at $400 that I immedaitely gravitated towards. I shouldn't even be allowed to go in those stores...
As you might imagine, I handled this little situation perfectly. Or, I didn't. This is probably where you become extra proud to know me. Simon was fussing loudly (god forbid the stroller not be in a constant state of motion). I pleaded with him (loudly and multiple times) that "Mommy needs a dress TODAY and you're just going to have to deal". I'm sure the mother of the year judges will revoke my title for that comment. Simon thought it would be fun to ignore me and fuss louder and louder until I HAD to leave. So, I handled like any "normal" person and threw a bitchfit. Yup, a royal bitchfit. Although, if you were walking by you may not have assumed anything was amiss other than me driving the stroller like a terrorist and my child screaming. I made eye contact with one woman and I just kept pushing the stroller (slightly aggressive), daring her to get in my way. She moved. Oh.my.god I was so freaking irritated with my life at that moment. Simon was happy as soon as we got outside and I felt better too. Maybe it's the loudly blaring holiday music that makes shopping in the mall a bit manic.
So, I have no dress to wear. The event is next Friday night. Time is ticking away. I'm sending a request up to the dress gods to help me out here. Keep your fingers crossed for me, this could get ugly :)
No comments:
Post a Comment