Today marks my official cancer survivorship milestone of 10 years! It feels strange to say it and even stranger to think that it’s been 10 years. I haven’t updated the blog for several reasons: mainly because I’ve been busy living my life and I’m not actively going through any treatments (also a great thing!!). The blog was originally intended as an easy way for me to keep friends and family updated on my cancer journey. I had no idea it would become a source of comfort, joy, and therapy for me. Having the chance to express my feelings and share my experience was an outlet that I didn’t know I needed or wanted.
Breast cancer has been a part of my life for a DECADE. And, oh my gosh, what a decade it has been! When I was first diagnosed with stage 4 inflammatory breast cancer, the “statistics” were not in my favor. If I’m being completely honest, my outlook was quite bleak. Ten years ago, Simon was an infant and Stella had just turned two. Emma wasn’t even a thought... My version of a “perfect” world was shattered with one phone call. I will never forget reading a bedtime story to the kids one night shortly after I was diagnosed. I had to leave the room because I was bawling, thinking that my days were numbered, and these precious babies might never know how much they were loved and needed by their mom.
Fate has a funny way of playing itself out. I was in the right place at the right time, and I honestly believe that helped save my life. We put together an A-Team of doctors and I received top-notch medical care throughout my treatments. I was so damn fortunate to have access to top doctors and medical care. I still do and I haven’t forgotten that. It’s a huge reason why I’m still here and I’ll continue to fight for everyone to have adequate medical care that needs it. Access to appropriate medical care is essential for survival.
Going through cancer is not easy for anyone, a patient or a caregiver. For every up there’s a down. Side effects are brutal and can be life-altering. But still, we persist. I treated my cancer like a job and busted my ass to learn everything I could about it. I will never forget what my first oncologist (yes, she’s now retired and I have a new oncologist!) told me the first time we met: “Statistics are just old numbers, and you will not be defined by a number”. She stirred a fire in me that at first, I was too scared to acknowledge, but later came to identify as HOPE. Hope became my anthem and I clung to it through the dark days and sleepless nights. I refused to be a statistic. It’s been said many times that cancer is as much a mental fight as a physical one. Truer words... But, being positive, knowing I would be there for important milestones in my kids' lives, was a driving force to keep my chin up and put one foot in front of the other each day.
And now, here I am, 10 years later. Sometimes it feels like this journey happened to someone else and I just watched it play out. Other times it feels like a lifetime ago. So many good things have come from my battle with cancer. I’ve met some truly inspiring people that have given me the courage to keep going. My friends and family supported me every step of the way, I never had to question their willingness to hold me up when I needed it most. I’ve had some amazing opportunities to experience some special moments these past ten years.
My favorite part of these past ten years is the person I have become. I’ve learned how to be strong when I didn’t think it was possible. I have grown to love my new body and its constant ability to heal. I’m not afraid to accept challenges and embrace new opportunities. Every morning, I wake up excited to go to work at my dream job and share my passion for community. I have three awesome kids who are, very quickly, turning into people that make me so proud. My husband is truly my other half and the greatest love of my life. I cannot wait to see what life throws our way in the years ahead. We are surrounded by the greatest family and friends; they make our lives complete.
I wanted to say thank you one more time. A giant, mile-wide thank you for all your love and support this past decade. No one should ever have to face a cancer diagnosis alone and not once did I ever feel alone, thanks to all of you. Sharing my journey gave me the courage to fight every day, even when some days felt like years. The day my grandmother passed away was also the day I found out I was cancer free. Coincidence? I think not. Guardian angel appointed? Oh, hell yes. She’s been keeping an eye on me all these years. Emma, our third baby, was very much a surprise and not planned. But, oh what a joy and inspiration she’s been to watch over the past seven years. We chose Hope for her middle name as a reminder to always keep hope alive, never give up. Finally, and perhaps the most impactful moment for me recently: I spent the weekend with my Hinman sisters, my ride or die girls in Greenville, SC. They’ve been my biggest cheerleaders and I know I couldn’t have done this without them. We celebrated our girl time and enjoyed being together for the first time ever without our families! We happened upon a special place that I will remember and treasure for the rest of my life. In Greenville, the city has recently opened Cancer Survivor’s Park, an incredibly beautiful, inspiring spot full of hope and peace. We walked through the park together, admiring memories shared by those who have passed from cancer. As we were leaving the park, the statue of a lion caught my eye. Lions hold an incredibly special place in my heart. When I was recovering from my double mastectomy surgery, a volunteer from Network of Hope (the survivor network that I now volunteer with) came to visit me in my hospital room. She brought me Courage, a stuffed lion, and shared the story behind the lion and how lions represent courage. I have loved Courage, my lion, everyday since and he is always nearby. So, as fate would have it, and I come full circle, it seemed only appropriate that I took a photo on the lion with my sisters yesterday. I pray that I will continue to have courage, hope, and love everyday for the rest of my life.
My greatest thanks and appreciation to all of you.
Erin xoxoxo
